Tag: author

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Community Overcomes My Intimidation & Fear

I’ve been writing stories and dabbling in poetry for as long as I can remember, but it wasn’t until 2017 that I realized I could pursue it with seriousness. I started researching workshops, conferences, how to get published, community/library events—anything that would help me progress and hone my craft.

I found The Authors’ Zone, Conversations and Connections in Pittsburgh, but most importantly, I found Lit Youngstown. The writers I was connecting with were published, working in the publishing industry, had MFAs, and/or at the very least a degree that aided in their writing career. I had none of these. I’d never even received or given a critique. To say I was intimidated is an understatement.

What became extremely evident, however, is that the writing community is beyond welcoming. Every publisher, editor, and fellow writer I spoke with was more than willing to share their knowledge and the tips they’d learned over the years. They never turned me away or avoided my questions.

  • Novels and Novellas I wrote in highschool
  • A poem I actually paid to be published in an anothlogy when I was about 12 (I know, I know…)
  • My first major writing accomplishment
  • “Kill your darlings”
  • Books my husband bought for me to hone my craft
  • Critiques from the Writer’s Circle
  • Book Fair representatives at the Lit Youngstown Fall Literary Festival

The place that has always felt the most like home, though, has always been Lit Youngstown’s Writer’s Circle. Initially, I was so scared to share my work because I thought for sure it would be torn apart and everything would be wrong with every word I wrote, every punctuation mark made. Instead, I was told what worked well and, when told what could be improved, I was given suggestions on how to improve it. That was so important to my growth. I’ve been exposed to such a variety of work. Plays, musicals, flash fiction, sections of novels, memoirs, traditional poetry, experimental poetry…Seriously, such a wide variety in so many voices.

I started going to more Lit Youngstown events. This literary non-profit that never charges more than what’s absolutely necessary (if anything at all) for their workshops and events also does everything in their power to make these events as accessible and beneficial to the communities of Youngstown and the Mahoning Valley as possible.

Even after all the love I’ve received, I still have had doubts about my writing capabilities (as mentioned in previous posts), but the Writer’s Circle has always been there to pick me up.

That was a lot of words to basically say that Lit Youngstown is my writing home.

That being the case, you can understand the overwhelming gratitude and validation this self-taught writer felt when she was asked to serve on the Board of Directors. I feel like this is my opportunity to attempt to give back everything I’ve received. I will do my best to give the readers, writers, and community that Lit Youngstown serves the warm, welcoming embrace that I’ve alway felt.

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Re-Learning How to Write

“I don’t believe in my writing anymore.” I admitted to my husband this weekend. He immediately turned down the radio and shifted in his seat to face me, asking me what I meant. “I just don’t feel like what I’ve written has any value.”

I knew something was wrong when I was preparing to attend my first in-person Writer’s Circle (hosted by Lit Youngstown) since the beginning of the pandemic. I was trying to find something to share and have critiqued. I was struggling to find something worth being read aloud to my peers. I’ve struggled with this in the past, but only because I would be debating which of my pieces needed the critique the most. This was a whole new struggle. Things I had been proud of prior to 2021 no longer seemed to hold any value. I found something, but while reading it felt it didn’t stack up. I was also quieter than normal during our meeting. I didn’t feel I was in much of a position to give feedback because my mind just couldn’t see what was good and what was bad like it once had.

Why was I suddenly feeling like this? To answer that, I’ll need to give you some back story. In 2019, I started teaching myself how to code. I would spend a few days a week learning HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. But throughout 2019 and 2020, I kept up my writing schedule to an extent. COVID threw a wrench in the majority of my extracurricular writing activities, but I continued writing at home. I even went to my writer’s residency and completed one of my novels. My writing wasn’t suffering, but my ability to learn coding effectively was.

In January of 2021 I started working with a coding coach and realized that if I wanted to succeed in coding and land a job as a web developer any time soon, I needed to focus more time and energy on it. I put writing on the backburner. I didn’t think this would affect my ability to write once the time came for me to pick it back up. I thought, if anything, it would just affect my ability to participate in some of the workshops being offered in my area or my ability to work on ideas I had in the moment.

Fast forward to this past weekend. I’ve had a new job as a web developer for 2 weeks. I am no longer teaching myself to code on nights and weekends. This past weekend I was attending the 5th Annual Fall Literary Festival. I didn’t go into it with any grand expectations. I was simply hoping to gain some inspiration and get my brain to re-focus and locate the headspace I need to get back into writing. I did that. I found the inspiration I need, but not the belief in myself and my writing. I thought the two would come hand in hand. They, apparently, don’t.

I think what is really frustrating to me is that I had a lot of momentum picking up as I came into 2021. I had finished one of my novels, I had been published 3 times, I was getting used to the submission process, I had a semi-regular writing schedule, and now that is all gone and I’m starting over. I think what I need to do is remind myself I’m still that writer. Just because I’m having some trouble picking up where I left off doesn’t mean I can’t get back to where I was.

This doesn’t have a happy ending where I found my inspiration AND faith in myself. I don’t have any nuggets of wisdom for someone going through the same struggle. I don’t even have any advice for myself moving forward. But I wanted to share this with you, my reader, in case you find yourself in a similar situation. Know that you are not alone.

I think my husband had it right when he compared it to working an atrophied muscle. I will just need to work it one day at a time until I’ve regained the lost muscle. For now, I am going to spend a lot of time writing shitty first drafts. I’m going to continue hosting the YMCA Writing Group and going to the Writer’s Circle. With any luck and determination, I’ll get back to my former self.

I’ll just end it with this quote from Anne Rice because it is extremely appropriate for me right now:

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How Depression Set Me Back

I was in a car accident last year. I’ve been working through a lot of issues with anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I was having a hard time engaging in anything. When I dove into NaNoWriMo, that really helped provide a distraction and a purpose outside of my doctors’ appointments and moved my focus from what had happened to me to what was happening to the characters in my book. After NaNoWriMo, my husband and I were consumed by family functions, birthdays, and our anniversary until about mid-January.

After things calmed down, I should have jumped right back into writing like I had been in November, but I didn’t. I struggled intensely with depression and felt unmotivated to do anything. I worked, spent time with my family and best friend and ignored the rest of the world pretty much. I occasionally logged into Facebook and Twitter to see what my author friends were up to, but didn’t do much in the way of editing my book without the encouragement of my husband. He was really the one pushing me to open up my laptop and get through a chapter or two.

In the last two months I’ve become more active in the writer community again. I’m doing better emotionally and working through some of the issues that were holding me back. Writing is one of the very few things that truly makes me feel like I’m escaping. It transports me to a different place. I get consumed by the words as they show up on the screen. What better therapy could I ask for?

I may still be slow at getting back to the point I was in November, but I am working my way there! I’m going to keep surrounding myself with other writers and things that encourage me to push on. If you’re going through anything similar, feel free to reach out to me. Maybe we can help each other out!

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An Update…Finally

When I did my NaNoWriMo post, I had intentions of creating a follow up post in December. December came and went and I made the excuse in my head that I was too busy with family festivities. Then January came and went, then February, then March. You get the idea. So here I am, finally writing to update you on how NaNoWriMo went. It went great! I’ve never enjoyed myself more. I spent over 34 hours getting to my 50,000 word goal and those hours made me feel more alive than any other time. That deadline really brought out the excitement in me. I couldn’t wait to get home from my day job to sit down and write. I attended virtual write-ins and went to local write-ins as well. It was so exciting to connect with other authors. Even though we were all working on something different, we were connected by one common goal: complete 50,000 words in 30 days.

The author community is an amazing thing. We support each other, encourage each other, and provide advice. We technically are opponents in the grand scheme of things, but that doesn’t stop us from feeling the constant need to help each other out. I received a lot of encouragement throughout November and the encouragement continues. It really pushes me to write more, to write better. I’ve started going to a local writers’ group. I’ve expanded my network of writers and it just amazes me how good authors can be at providing criticism without being aggressive and mean.

I purchased Scrivener and am using it to organize my book. Wow! What an amazing tool! I definitely would recommend it. I let my book cool until February and came back to it with a fresh set of eyes. I’ve read through it once and revised a couple small issues and left comments for the sections that require larger edits. My next step is to take different sections with me to my writers’ group to ask for advice on how to move forward with them. Hey! Maybe I’ll even post it here for some advice!

I’m going to be adding a couple more posts to explain a little bit deeper why I had been pushing off creating an update post and why it’s taken me so long to get back into the swing of things. I want to keep my posts somewhat short so that my readers don’t feel bogged down by the sheer length of the post. Look out for that one soon.