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Community Overcomes My Intimidation & Fear

I’ve been writing stories and dabbling in poetry for as long as I can remember, but it wasn’t until 2017 that I realized I could pursue it with seriousness. I started researching workshops, conferences, how to get published, community/library events—anything that would help me progress and hone my craft.

I found The Authors’ Zone, Conversations and Connections in Pittsburgh, but most importantly, I found Lit Youngstown. The writers I was connecting with were published, working in the publishing industry, had MFAs, and/or at the very least a degree that aided in their writing career. I had none of these. I’d never even received or given a critique. To say I was intimidated is an understatement.

What became extremely evident, however, is that the writing community is beyond welcoming. Every publisher, editor, and fellow writer I spoke with was more than willing to share their knowledge and the tips they’d learned over the years. They never turned me away or avoided my questions.

The place that has always felt the most like home, though, has always been Lit Youngstown’s Writer’s Circle. Initially, I was so scared to share my work because I thought for sure it would be torn apart and everything would be wrong with every word I wrote, every punctuation mark made. Instead, I was told what worked well and, when told what could be improved, I was given suggestions on how to improve it. That was so important to my growth. I’ve been exposed to such a variety of work. Plays, musicals, flash fiction, sections of novels, memoirs, traditional poetry, experimental poetry…Seriously, such a wide variety in so many voices.

I started going to more Lit Youngstown events. This literary non-profit that never charges more than what’s absolutely necessary (if anything at all) for their workshops and events also does everything in their power to make these events as accessible and beneficial to the communities of Youngstown and the Mahoning Valley as possible.

Even after all the love I’ve received, I still have had doubts about my writing capabilities (as mentioned in previous posts), but the Writer’s Circle has always been there to pick me up.

That was a lot of words to basically say that Lit Youngstown is my writing home.

That being the case, you can understand the overwhelming gratitude and validation this self-taught writer felt when she was asked to serve on the Board of Directors. I feel like this is my opportunity to attempt to give back everything I’ve received. I will do my best to give the readers, writers, and community that Lit Youngstown serves the warm, welcoming embrace that I’ve alway felt.

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Re-Learning How to Write

“I don’t believe in my writing anymore.” I admitted to my husband this weekend. He immediately turned down the radio and shifted in his seat to face me, asking me what I meant. “I just don’t feel like what I’ve written has any value.”

I knew something was wrong when I was preparing to attend my first in-person Writer’s Circle (hosted by Lit Youngstown) since the beginning of the pandemic. I was trying to find something to share and have critiqued. I was struggling to find something worth being read aloud to my peers. I’ve struggled with this in the past, but only because I would be debating which of my pieces needed the critique the most. This was a whole new struggle. Things I had been proud of prior to 2021 no longer seemed to hold any value. I found something, but while reading it felt it didn’t stack up. I was also quieter than normal during our meeting. I didn’t feel I was in much of a position to give feedback because my mind just couldn’t see what was good and what was bad like it once had.

Why was I suddenly feeling like this? To answer that, I’ll need to give you some back story. In 2019, I started teaching myself how to code. I would spend a few days a week learning HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. But throughout 2019 and 2020, I kept up my writing schedule to an extent. COVID threw a wrench in the majority of my extracurricular writing activities, but I continued writing at home. I even went to my writer’s residency and completed one of my novels. My writing wasn’t suffering, but my ability to learn coding effectively was.

In January of 2021 I started working with a coding coach and realized that if I wanted to succeed in coding and land a job as a web developer any time soon, I needed to focus more time and energy on it. I put writing on the backburner. I didn’t think this would affect my ability to write once the time came for me to pick it back up. I thought, if anything, it would just affect my ability to participate in some of the workshops being offered in my area or my ability to work on ideas I had in the moment.

Fast forward to this past weekend. I’ve had a new job as a web developer for 2 weeks. I am no longer teaching myself to code on nights and weekends. This past weekend I was attending the 5th Annual Fall Literary Festival. I didn’t go into it with any grand expectations. I was simply hoping to gain some inspiration and get my brain to re-focus and locate the headspace I need to get back into writing. I did that. I found the inspiration I need, but not the belief in myself and my writing. I thought the two would come hand in hand. They, apparently, don’t.

I think what is really frustrating to me is that I had a lot of momentum picking up as I came into 2021. I had finished one of my novels, I had been published 3 times, I was getting used to the submission process, I had a semi-regular writing schedule, and now that is all gone and I’m starting over. I think what I need to do is remind myself I’m still that writer. Just because I’m having some trouble picking up where I left off doesn’t mean I can’t get back to where I was.

This doesn’t have a happy ending where I found my inspiration AND faith in myself. I don’t have any nuggets of wisdom for someone going through the same struggle. I don’t even have any advice for myself moving forward. But I wanted to share this with you, my reader, in case you find yourself in a similar situation. Know that you are not alone.

I think my husband had it right when he compared it to working an atrophied muscle. I will just need to work it one day at a time until I’ve regained the lost muscle. For now, I am going to spend a lot of time writing shitty first drafts. I’m going to continue hosting the YMCA Writing Group and going to the Writer’s Circle. With any luck and determination, I’ll get back to my former self.

I’ll just end it with this quote from Anne Rice because it is extremely appropriate for me right now:

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NaNoWriMo

NaNoWriMo is only 2 days away! I just learned about this amazing crazy month about, well…a month ago! I decided not to cheat and use this as an opportunity to edit my current novel, but as a way to get a new idea down on paper. I’ve had this idea for a long time, but have not wanted to work on any other novel but my current piece that I decided to not the idea down and save it for after I’ve finished my first novel.

Once I found out the rules for National Novel Writing Month, writing a brand new, 50,000 word book from scratch opened the door wide for me to be able to get out my first “shitty draft” (to quote Anne Lamott) of this new idea while still keeping my first novel as my main focus. 50,000 words is extremely intimidating! EXTREMELY!

I did discover, in a dry run using a writing prompt, that it may be doable. I sat down with a timer, my writing prompt (thank you Reddit!), and my laptop. I set the timer for an hour and began! I was able to write 2,379 words in that hour!! I was shocked because when the timer went off, I was sure I had under 1,000. I had stopped so many times to think up the right word or the right way to continue that I knew I had wasted precious writing seconds. I guess I was wrong.

I wanted to experiment with an hour because I was recently in a car accident that caused a bad concussion and has limited my ability to be on my computer for long periods of time. I know that spending more than an 1-2 hours a day is unrealistic at this point so I wanted to see if I could come even close to the 50,000 mark on 30 days. Maybe I can! Maybe if I give myself a set schedule and stick to it, maybe, just maybe I can get out my first shitty draft of a new novel that will be ready to revisit in a few months for editing!

Participating in NaNoWriMo? Let me know in the comments or add me as a writing buddy on NaNoWriMo.org. My author name is rwfranklin. If I can do it, so can you! Let’s keep each other accountable and give each other the encouragement we need!

I think my notebook cover says it best:

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Preparing For My First Conference

I signed up for my first conference and am very excited about it. After making the decision to attend, I realized that I had no idea what I would need to take with me, what I should do while I’m there, or how to prepare to make the best of the event. The particular conference I am going to is a one day conference. I’m looking forward to learning from the speakers and meeting others in the writing community! Since I am new to this experience and needed some help, I started researching. I found that there is quite a bit more than taking a notebook and pen.

According to my research, if I really want to make it count, I need to go on a mini shopping trip. I already have my business cards printed and ready to go (YAY!).

I have a notebook and a reasonably sturdy bag, but I hadn’t even thought about making sure I bring a backup pen or that my pen is completely full. Breath mints…tissues…a folder? Why hadn’t I thought of those things? Oh yeah…because I’ve never done this before.

In case you’ve been in the same situation as me, below are a few links that helped me and I hope they help you!

 

Hopefully, with the help of these articles, I’ll be well prepared for tomorrow’s conference!

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Memory Lane

I took a trip down memory lane tonight and found two manuscripts that I wrote when I was 14. I was blown away to find that I even had one of them in its original, handwritten form!

The storyline isn’t great. The grammar is sloppy. There are plot holes everywhere! What was I thinking? Oh that’s right! I was 14…I wasn’t thinking too hard about anything.

I’ve always loved writing. I really don’t know what took me so long to realize it should be my career! Maybe one day I’ll bring these old, hole-riddled and sloppy manuscripts back to life with a few (ok…A LOT) of editing.

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Set Backs

Over the past couple of months I’ve been experiencing a few set backs. Unforseen events caused me to have to take off of work for a couple weeks and also haulted my writing. This saddens me because writing is what I love to do. I’ve tried to get a few words down from time to time, but now I feel so out of whack and out of sync. I know it’s going to be a struggle getting back into my routine, but hopefully the struggle lessens quickly.

What do you do when your writing has to put on hold? What sort of things do you do to get back into the habit? Let me know in the comments!